Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
