whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
