omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
