I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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