he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
