i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
