Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
