How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
