The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did I show you my penis last night?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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