If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
