Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
