I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
