There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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