i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
