I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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