I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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