I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
