It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
