Just cropdusted the office
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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