Porn is love you can see.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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