i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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