He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
