Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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