Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The power of my boobs compel you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
