One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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