my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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