it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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