you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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