I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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