At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am available for nakedness
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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