U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
