Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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