i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
