Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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