is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
