I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
