The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
