The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
