after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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