I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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