I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
