Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
