I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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