did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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