Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize