She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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