It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Life is so much better after having sex.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
