i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
