I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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