I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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