You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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