Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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