I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
