and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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