I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
