I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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