the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
