Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
