He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
