Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
