I bet he comes in French.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
