you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
