ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize
