Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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