I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
