I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize