yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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