I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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