you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
